My family had gathered in our kitchen. My father had stolen my brother’s adjustable desk lamp and placed my mother in a chair directly across from him, shining the light in her eyes.
“Now Katherine,” my father began, “just tell me what you did with my suit.”
“Dad,” my brother scoffed, “this is stupid. Mom already said she doesn’t know where it is – you probably just misplaced it.”
“Yeah, dad,” I agreed, “this is a little stupid.”
“MUTINY!” my dad cried. “There is no mutiny aboard the Enterprise!”
“Patrick,” my mother interrupted, I threw it away.”
I assume we were all thinking the same thing, I knew she hated the suit but I didn’t think she would actually throw it away.
My mother had committed the most serious of crimes, the deepest of betrayals, the most fucked of ups. We stared at each other for a long while – me at my brother, my brother at my father, my father at my mother…
“You threw it away?” he said quietly.
“You are a grown man, Patrick! You can’t be running around in Star Wars costumes like an idiot!”
My father took a deep breath, excused himself and simply said, “The Federation lives…the Empire is gone forever.”
The interrogation happened on a Monday – I didn’t see my father until that Saturday when, “Lauren,” he whispered, “Lauren wake up!”
“Dad…” I mumbled, half-comatose, “is something wrong?”
“Get dressed!” he commanded. “We’re going to Jersey!”
I was fully awake now because Jersey only meant one thing to me, “Wawa?”
“You bet your fuckin’ ass Wawa. We ride!”
Papa Shark and I drove almost three hours to Hopewell, New Jersey to obtain a custom made Spock suit, complete with ears and all the fixins.
We arrived home from New Jersey on Saturday, May 2, 2009…and wound up in a holding cell six days later…