People Who Post Shit Like This…

I don’t know about you, but if I see anymore of these, I am liable to kill someone:

This is annoying for several reasons the first of which is – dude, where is your self-respect?  Seriously – this person leaving you is so terrible that the ENTIRE universe is crushing you?  I believe the Milky Way galaxy has better things to do than to serve as a weak metaphor for your soon-to-be nonexistent love life.  Secondly, do me a solid and keep your metaphors straight – is your heart exploding because the universe is crushing you or are these two mutually exclusive events.  And I think the thing that annoys me the most is…well, for real?  This person is the end-all be-all of your existence?  Seriously – you’ve got nothing else going on?  And if this person is leaving you, at least salvage some dignity and don’t fucking beg them to stay…come on now.  Here’s an idea, maybe if you didn’t post such emo memes about how co-dependent you are, they would still be with you.

Do you want an award?  Seriously people, I miss Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Corey and Topanga, pogs and yelling “It’s ranger time!” as much as the next person…but I’m not about to fucking cry about it.So what if kids today are born with iPads and don’t know what Tomagachis are?  Does it really matter that a third of them are obese because they don’t play stick ball or manhunt until dark?  And is it really ruining anyone’s day that “Salute Your Shorts” didn’t sell out to make a full-blown movie and get Nickelodeon some extra cash?  The answers are no, no and no.  The 90s are over and everyone needs to get over it.  Your memes and “Like this if you remember if…” or “You know you had a good childhood if you can remember…” statuses aren’t nostalgic – they’re passive aggressive and obnoxious…have some respect.  You’re making the rest of us look bad.

If I see one more picture of some girl’s fucking nails on my news feed, I am going to go to her house, tie her to a chair and remove each of her nails while dipping her hands in salt.  Seriously, where did this new phenomenon come from?  And yeah, I get that my initial statement is a bit harsh, but isn’t anyone else sick of this shit?  Am I alone here.  Because if I am I can admit some level of “going too far” but really, does anyone see these kinds of pictures and think, “Wow, that’s awesome.”?  Because I know when I see these I think:  1) someone actually took time to position the camera and snap a picture and 2) someone took the time to snap a picture because they think people will care.  Really?

Maybe it’s because I’m adopted…maybe it’s because I love being able to say whatever I want…but something about me really hates people who HATE or HATE ON America.  Listen, I’m not saying we’re the best country.  I’m not saying we’re a perfect country.  But we are a better country than most other places.  Don’t believe me?  Maybe you should take a trip to Somalia…after Sunday’s game, of course.  You wouldn’t want to be like those other Somalians who got executed for watching it.  But hey, America sucks, right?  And if Africa doesn’t strike your fancy, you can always visit Pakistan.  You know…Pakistan?  They were ranked 8th on the list of failed states due to civilian deaths?  Yeah, American isn’t so bad people.  We have our problems but you’ll be hard pressed to find a country that doesn’t.

So much better that you had to post this?  Really?  You’re that much better?  I hate seeing posts like this because it’s always eleven months after the break-up.  If you’re so fucking fine with it then why are you still posting about it?  Get a life man.

I’m sure there are many more we can all think of, but these have to be my top most annoying Facebook posts.  Bar none.

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2 thoughts on “People Who Post Shit Like This…

  1. I hate those 90s kid posts because, more often than not, they come from some dumbass kid who was born in 1998 and only remembers Fresh Prince and Full House because they were on Nick at Nite

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