To fully understand how this small misunderstanding escalated into a giant clusterfuck, you, as the reader, must understand three important pieces of information:
- The relationship between North Korea and 2009: In 2009, North Koreans performed what they referred to as a “missile test” – aka launching seven missiles into the Sea of Japan. Now, the North Koreans don’t strike me as the kind of people who make shit that doesn’t work, but I guess it’s better to be safe than sorry. At any rate, the US was on high alert at the time and although my parents are white…I don’t exactly scream American.
- Nassau County Police Officers: Nassau County has the highest paid cops in the country with an average salary of $100,000 a year. They are the most arrogant, lazy and dramatic cops on this Earth. The average Nassau County resident can usually see two squad cars chatting in empty parking lots at night, catching up on the day’s gossip, or at 7-Eleven getting complimentary cups of coffee. They’re a bunch of assholes.
- I have no tact: I’ll admit that while the cop I wound up having a confrontation with was a racist pig, I imagine things could have gone differently had I not been…well, me.
That being said, let’s return to the story, shall we?
“Jesus Christ that’s annoying.” I said, exiting my car. I had stopped at an intersection – Willis Avenue and Second Street. If you’re facing forward, there was a Beverage Barn on the right corner, an office building on the left corner (where the garbage can was), another office building on the left corner behind me and a car repair shop on the last corner.
I tossed the pager into the garbage can, it practically speed-reading “Please synthesize with home portal. You are out of range to receive the signal. Device requires activation. Please return to power source.” when I saw red and blue flashing lights and heard a sound no one wants to hear at 12:15am…woop woop.
Son of a bitch…is what I thought. What I knew, as I’ve known many times before, is that I was fucked.