This is one thing I will never understand – the red and blue lights are bright enough…so why the fuck do cops feel it necessary to blind you with a flashlight? How much more do you need to see, bro? It’s like you’re Asian or something…
The pager hit the bottom of the trash can with a large, audible thud and was still saying, “Please synthesize with home portal. You are out of range to receive the signal. Device requires activation. Please return to power source.”.
“Ma’am,” the officer said, putting his hand over his gone and shining his fucking flashlight in my face, “would you mind telling me what you just placed in the trash can?”
“A Chili’s pager.” I answered, making my way to go back into the trash and fish it out.
“Ma’am!” he shouted, “I’m going to have to ask you to remain still and keep your hands where I can see them.”
“Oh, um.” I said, halting. “Sorry.”
The officer was silent for a moment – I believe this was so he could listen to the woman within the pager. He then got on his walkie-talkie and mumbled some number and the operator said, “Please stand by officer, we will be sending back-up and a team.”
“Uh,” I said, slightly laughing, “is there a problem?”
“Ma’am,” he sighed, “I’m going to ask you one last time, what did you place into the trash can.”
“It’s a buzzer from Chili’s – I was just there with my friends and forgot to give it back to the hostess and it started making noise so I threw it away.”
“And what is the nature of the device, ma’am.”
“Um, it buzzes when the table is ready.” I laughed.
This did not bode well – the cop came right to my face and said, “Ma’am do you think something is comical?”
God, Nassau County cops are such cunts…”No officer – I just laugh when I’m nervous.”
“And why are you nervous?”
Shit. “I-I-…” I mumbled.
“Ma’am I suggest you remain silent until back-up arrives.”
“(walkie-talkie makes static noise) Officer, back-up and bomb squad are en route.”
What. The. Fuck.