Six hours later, my mother and I found ourselves in the presence of the Nassau County Judge, the DA and the chief of police.
“Mrs. Sharkey,” the judge said, “I would like to offer my deepest and most sincere apologies for this…misunderstanding.”
“Misunderstanding?” my mother laughed, “You got your fancy checkbook out for a misunderstanding? Because, to me, it seems like you need to cover one hell of a fuck up.”
They laughed nervously and the DA continued, “Mrs. Sharkey, please understand that in these tumultuous times we must give every consideration to situations that seem…dangerous.”
“Dangerous?!” she laughed, “This one crashed into a parked car on a bike when she was eleven!”
“Mom!” I said, hitting her shoulder.
“Well, Mrs. and Ms. Sharkey – we appreciate your agreement to not press charges.” the chief said, “We assure you that the arresting officer will be dealt with harshly.” They then slid pens into our hands and the DA said, “I’m sure you and your daughter are anxious to get home so if you’ll just sign the agreement…”
My mother and I signed on the dotted line. I shook hands with the three stooges but before I could leave the judge stopped me and asked, “Ms. Sharkey, before you leave, I listened to the transcript of your transport to the precinct…and, did I hear you…oink?”
I looked at my mother and saw a smile creeping across her lips and turned to the judge and said, “No your honor…I have terrible allergies.”
“This time of year?” he asked.
“Yeah…I’m allergic to pork.” I said as I slammed the door.
Amd that is the story of the time I had a bomb…
Just so you know, we were advised by a lawyer not to sue the county since they actually hadn’t done anything wrong and the settlement we were offered was more than we would have gotten from a lawsuit.