I Dated an Actor – Part IV

It had been about two weeks since Tara’s confirmation party and I was deep into an episode of Grey’s Anatomy when my phone rang.

“Hi I’m looking to speak with Ms. Sharkey please.” a really, REALLY young voice said on the other line.
“This is she.” I said, thinking it was a bill collector and let’s face it – you never know who these companies hire.
“Good afternoon Ms. Sharkey, I have Mr. Malone on the phone for you.”
“Umm…you called me?”
“Yes, miss, please hold while I transfer you…”

Now, I don’t know what fancy schmancy talent agency Mr. Malone worked for but there was no hold music, no transfer buttons pushed…just a dead fucking silence. No “boop-boop” followed by a ring signifying that I was transferred to his line, no jazz music entertaining me while I waited…not a god damn thing. I didn’t even hear the phone pick-up before he said, “Lauren, baby, what’s happenin? You miss me yet?”

“Umm,” I said more confused than a LOST fan, “I…don’t really know you?”
“Oh,” he laughed (I swear I could see that bastard smirking), “I guess we’ll have to change that, won’t we?”
“Look, DJ,” I sighed, “you seem really nice and everything but…”
“Listen I’m going to stop you right there.” he said. “I know it can be intimidating for a civilian like yourself to be with someone like me but I’m not like other actors, Lauren. I’m a person just trying to make it with another person.”

My moment of silence wasn’t be touching my heart and thinking”Oh my god…that’s so refreshing to hear.”, it wasn’t me choking up and realizing I too was just a person trying to make it with another person…it was my ear trying to relay this message to my brain and my brain attempting to process that message and form a response that didn’t sound like, “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

He laughed to himself and said, “Listen, I’ll meet you at Jonathan’s tomorrow at 2:30pm…and we can…we can see if there’s something worth fighting for. Later babe.”

He hung up before I could tell him I wasn’t interested. It’s like when you have a bowl of popcorn and realize there isn’t anything left three seconds later…all you can say is, “How did I get here?”

“Who was that?” my mother asked, entering with the bowl of popcorn she had made.
“That was Shawn’s friend, DJ…we have a date tomorrow, kind of…?” I shrugged.
“That should be interesting.” she laughed.

…and an interesting lunch it was…



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