I think the worst things a person can die with is regret and unfinished business. I guess that’s why I’ve been such a stickler when it comes to getting closure. After all, there’s nothing worse than a loose end.
Rich was the eternal question mark in my life. I wouldn’t say he was the one who got away, but he was awfully close. I loved him to the point of insanity. I used to think it was him that drove me mad, but when I reexamine that relationship – I’m not so sure anymore. The thing is that I always wondered if instead of not being right for each other, perhaps we weren’t right for each other right now. You know what I mean?
And so, as Bryan slept soundly next to me, I wondered if I had made the right choice. I gazed upon him and in one, weird, Kerouacian moment, I had no idea who I was for five strange seconds: was I the girl that gave up? Was I the girl that settled? Was I the girl for Rich?
But suddenly, Bryan’s breathing grew deeper and he snored himself awake. “Mmmm,” he said, rolling towards me, enveloping me in his arms, “baby are you awake?” he asked, sleepily.
“Yeah,” I sighed, squeezing him back, “I’m up.”
“Oh no reason,” I lied, “I just can’t sleep.”
Before I could roll over, Bryan’s hand had clutched mine. He put his free hand around my tummy and pulled me close, “Lauren…what’s wrong?”
And, in a moment of complete and utter desperation, I said the two word lie all girls say at some point in their mid-twenties, “I’m fine.”
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