George and Erin recounted my Evil Knievel moment as I attempted to picture myself rocketing through the air in all my Asian glory. I finally found the strength to stand upright, and took a look around the room, attempting to decide where we should start cleaning up first.
As I surveyed the area, trying to calculate how much money we could get back if we recycled our cans, I noticed there was something slightly different about the room. Something was missing and I couldn’t put my finger on it until Erin began making her roommates bed, “Guys,” I said, cautiously, not fully sure if I wanted the answer, “Where is the mattress?”
George and Erin grew quiet and I knew I had asked the wrong question.
“Well,” George said in a low voice, “we were really drunk and you were knocked out pretty bad.”
“We tried to carry you back to Woodcrest,” Erin continued, “but you were out cold so you were pretty much dead weight.
“So we used the mattress to get you back to the dorm…”
“But where is it now?!”
I flew down the stairs with Erin and George close behind me, “You two are fucking idiots!”
“A thank you for saving your life would be nice!” George scoffed.
I spun around in the hallway where Erin’s puke from the night before had become a solid, and smelly mass, “Listen, I’m grateful that you didn’t abandon me in the woods Everest style but if we don’t get the mattress back into this building, Health and Safety is going to find out during room checks and we’re going to be in deep shit!”
“Oh my god!” Erin gasped, “I forgot all about that!”
“I know – now let’s get a move on!”
As we moved through the double doors that we had snuck the mattress out of the night before, I stopped immediately to see Public Safety, and our building manager, standing outside the entrance of Woodcrest, staring at the mattress.
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